"No Doctors Today, Thank you"

"No Doctors Today, Thank you"

by Ogden Nash

They tell me that euphoria is the feeling of feeling wonderful, well,

    today I feel euphorian,

Today I have the agility of a Greek god and the appetite of a Victorian.

Yes, today I may even go forth without my galoshes,

Today I am a swashbuckler, would anybody like me to buckle
    any swashes?

This is my euphorian day,

I will ring welkins and before anybody answers I will run away.

I will tame me a caribou

And bedeck it with marabou.

I will pen me my memoirs.

Ah youth, youth! What euphorian days them was!

I wasn't much of a hand for the boudoirs,

I was generally to be found where the food was.

Does anybody want any flotsam?

I've gotsam.

Does anybody want any jetsam?

I can getsam.

I can play chopsticks on the Wurlitzer,

I can speak Portuguese like a Berlitzer.

I can don or doff my shoes without tying or untying the laces because 

   I am wearing moccasins,

And I practically know the difference between serums and antioccasins.

Kind people, don't think me purse-proud, don't set me down as vainglorious,

I'm just a little euphorious.